The Bittersweet Decision

As a vet, I encounter countless pet owners who have had to make the heart-wrenching decision of euthanising their beloved companions. It is a choice that garners great empathy from me, not only as a professional but also as someone who has experienced this painful process firsthand with my last dog. In this blog, I want to address the guilt that often accompanies euthanasia and offer some guidance to those who may be struggling to find solace after bidding farewell to their furry friends.

Understanding the Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that frequently arises when considering euthanising a pet. It is a natural response, stemming from the immense responsibility we feel towards our animal companions and the unwavering love they have shown us. We become consumed by thoughts of whether we made the right decision, or if there was something more we could have done. At these times, that nagging little voice we all have in the back of our minds steps into the spotlight and torments us by unfairly asking, ‘But what if…’ 

When this happens, it is crucial to take a step back, acknowledge these thoughts and then recognise them as a normal part of grieving. 

Acknowledging Your Feelings

Guilt is a complex emotion that manifests differently for each person. The first step towards healing is acknowledging and accepting these emotions. Allow yourself to grieve and understand that this is a normal part of letting go. While it may be hard, try to reflect on the unwavering love and care you provided to your pet throughout their life. Remember that your decision was guided by love and compassion, with their best interests at heart. It is important to be kind to yourself; you did the best you could for them and, if you were lucky enough, you were able to arrange this at home, avoiding those painful last memories associated with a final visit to the vets.  

Seek Support

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out to friends and family to tell them how you’re feeling and to celebrate the life of your pet by reflecting on memories of happier times. If you aren’t able or don’t want to do this with people you know, there are excellent support groups dedicated to pet loss, many of which are listed here on my website: https://petsatrestvet.com/contact Pet grief experts can provide a sympathetic ear and offer advice to help get you through. Sharing your feelings with others who have gone through a similar experience can provide immense comfort and reassurance.

Another option is to connect with a vet who understands your pain and can offer guidance and support during this difficult time. Remember, we have witnessed countless euthanasias and can provide invaluable insights into the healing process. At Pets at Rest, we take time to listen to stories about your pets life, we ask families to share photos of happier times and we never underestimate how difficult your decision was - we’ll never forget having to make the same one ourselves.

My Personal Experience

Throughout my 20 years as a veterinarian, I have supported end of life for thousands of our pet companions. I like to consider myself as experienced and skilled in this area; however, I’m constantly learning new layers and subtleties to this process - never more so that when I had to say my final farewell to my own best friend, Puddle. Although the decision was agonising, euthanising my own dog brought forth a newfound understanding and helped me find forgiveness within myself.

I vividly remember the day I had to say goodbye to my loyal companion (one day, I will write a separate blog about that experience). For now, what I will say is that I also battled with guilt and questioned for a long time if I had made the right decision for her. However, over time, I slowly began to realise that my guilt was merely a manifestation of my love for her. I couldn't escape the overwhelming sorrow that engulfed me, but I found solace in knowing that I provided Puddle with a peaceful farewell, free from pain and suffering. It was a final act of love, the ultimate gift I could give her after years of unconditional devotion. This experience made me a better veterinarian and increased my empathy for families going through the same process.

Healing and Forgiveness

Moving forward after euthanising your pet is a personal journey that requires self-compassion and forgiveness. Some families tie themselves up in knots, questioning if it was the right day or whether it was unfair if their pet still had a keen mind even though their body had given up. While these are natural thoughts, in the long term, they do more harm than good and I urge families to reflect on the quality of their pet's current life even if this means they spends fewer days together. Although the process may be different for each individual, I encourage families to acknowledge pet euthanasia as a final gift we can give to our cherished companions. It allows them to escape the pain and suffering that may have plagued their days in a way that is dignified. If this can be done at home, even better - there is something special about the privacy and peace that home euthanasia provides that helps with the grieving and healing process. Above all else, I encourage families to recognise the selflessness in their decision and the love that guided it. Your choice was driven by the desire to prevent further pain and provide a dignified ending. Practicing self-compassion is something most people find difficult but it is very powerful to forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes or shortcomings. Understand that you made a difficult decision out of immense love for your pet.

Celebrate their Memories

Remind yourself of the unconditional love and care you showered upon your beloved companion throughout their life. Honor your pet's memory and cherish the joyful moments you shared together. You might find the following helpful:

- create a memorial area in your home

- if you have ashes, scatter them at a favourite place, turn them into a keepsake such as jewellery or bury them in the garden alongside a special plant (Puddle lays underneath a beautiful rhododendron, her pink collar wrapped around it’s trunk, coordinating beautifully when the flowers bloom each year. I'll often talk to her while gardening, which I find very comforting).

- speak aloud to your pet even though they aren’t there physically, it can provide comfort especially when you feel lonely

- surround yourself with pictures and mementos that make you smile

- write a heartfelt letter to your companion, expressing your emotions - it may be difficult at first but it’s a very cathartic process that releases emotions and allows you to say things that are intensely private which you may not want to share with others 

Whatever you decide, remember, healing takes time. The pain may never completely disappear, but with time, the intensity will lessen, and you will find solace and peace in the memories of your beloved pet. If it helps, I can attest that even now, writing about Puddle still brings a tear to my eye, but these are happy tears over lost love and they are, finally, free from guilt.